The Night Before
Knowing I was heading into possible, life-threatening surgery the next day, my friends and family were quite a mess. I found myself trying to manage them, as opposed to dealing with my own worries. However, one of the most beautiful moments was when a close friend came over. As she was leaving, she handed me a frame with a photo of our group of girlfriends from our recent trip to the Caribbean celebrating my birthday. She teared up, but she spoke the most simple, wonderful words, “We love you.”
That night, I decided to google information on brain surgery. I had been soooo good at avoiding Google, but I couldn’t help myself that night. I was just too incredibly frightened of the unknown. I came across some disturbing photos of actual surgery. Oh no! I was not going there! However, I found a blog (I wish I could remember what it was) of a young woman, who detailed her experiences leading up to and after her surgery. It gave me so much comfort, so I am truly thankful for that little indiscretion from my google ban.
I really don’t know whether I was simply numb to the fact that I was facing surgery, or all of the meds, or just simply blocking it all out, but I wasn’t actually that nervous once it came time to go to sleep. I recall my husband commenting how calm I seemed. Who knows? The mind is a powerful thing after all. I popped a sleeping pill and slept until that horrid alarm went off sometime around 4:00 a.m. No turning back. The time had come.